Transitioning Home

It has been almost a month since my return to the "real world" from Summit Semester.

Sometimes it feels like a dream, almost like it never happened and was all in my imagination. But I know that's not true. Everyday is a little bit of a struggle to live everyday life without the family that was created and re-learning the most basic things like how my family functions in the simple day-to-day life.

I keep telling myself "it will get easier" but is that what I really want? Do I want it to get easier? Or do I want Semester to stay a constant thought in the back of my head and the way we lived to constantly be brought to mind as a reminder that this isn't all there is to life. A reminder of a better version of myself. Don't I want that more than to be comfortable or the pain of leaving to go away?

So in a sense, yes, I do want it to get easier, but I don't want the old habits and the things that were not benefiting me to rule anymore. I don't want it to be comfortable.  I want new habits to form and to find a way to become the same person at home that I was able to be in the context of Semester.

I miss everyone dearly, but getting to hear their voices on the phone has become a very special treat and makes me smile ear-to-ear every time I am able to call them. It can make it harder too, knowing they are so far away and I can't walk five minutes and be sitting next to them, but it is still good. Rewiring relationships can be hard, but slowly it is happening and I cannot wait for the day I am able to see them all again face-to-face. There is something so special about that and over the past four months I have learned how valuable being right in front of people is and how much it adds to the relationship.

Each day I remind myself that Summit wasn't the end of anything. It was the start of an amazing life with 31 amazing new friends. Though sometimes I still find myself looking at pictures and tearing up or texting with someone and feeling an ache in my heart because they're not here, I wouldn't trade a moment of this pain for their friendships and the experiences I was able to have.

For What It's Worth

"Our Neverland

Our Narnia

Our heaven on earth

You know I'll always love ya

For what it's worth."

~Katie Grace

How do I explain the past three months? The first question everyone asks is “what did you learn?” Then I have to wonder which category they are referring to.

In regards to work I have learned that all work is profitable and a pushing forward of redemption. It doesn't matter what society thinks, all work can be glorifying to God. This changes how work looks and also my attitude. It isn't an obligation, but rather a gift and privilege that God allows us to participate in with Him. What a blessing this is to us as God's children!

While work is important, so is rest and glorifying God through that as well. Taking time to worship through taking time for yourself and rejouvinating yourself is beneficial to you, but also for everyone around you. It is hard to serve others when you have nothing to give. Along with this comes being a good steward of your body and getting the rest you need.

In regards to other people, I have learned most people have many layers, and when you start to peel them all back, an amazing human being with feelings and scars and joys comes shining through, even the people who don't want you to see it. Relationships hurt, but that is also a joy of loving others. It is always worth the pain to love someone with pure abandon. All people have stories to tell, and all of our little stories work together to form the amazing story of Semester 2017.

A big part of being here has been learning about God and His relationship with His children. Even when it looks and feels as if God is nowhere to be found, looking around there has been a huge impact of where He is and how He is working. An example of this is that even when all of us have been falling apart and in despair, there has been encouragement between students, staff, and faculty and that love has still abounded. Strife between us has been minimal and dealt with maturely and quickly by all involved.

No, we are not perfect, but God has worked mightily through our many imperfections.

Of course I had classes too. Those taught me more than just facts, though there was a lot of that too. From church history starting in the Old Testament through the modern church, to English literature starting with Beowulf through Hemingway, to politics, to biblical foundations, which required us to read the entire New Testament in two days or less. The main point though was to learn to think for ourselves and to think well. As our beloved Bauman would say, "Be teachable or get out!"

Semester stretched me beyond what I thought possible, yet in good ways. It wasn't always easy, by any means of the imagination, but it was good. Dustin told us over and over that Semester is a safe place to fail, and that turned out to be more than true. Leaving this community was the hardest thing I think I have ever done in my life up to this point, but it was never meant to be forever. It was preparation for real life. Now we are in real life and have to fight for what we believe and live our lives in light of all the incredible lessons we learned in and out of the classroom.

"What if I fall?

Oh, but darling, what if you fly?"

~Peter Pan

"Now we're back to the beginning

It's just a feeling and no one knows yet.

But just because they can't feel it too

Doesn't mean that you have to forget."

~"The Call" Regina Spektor

A Wonderful Adventure

One month ago, I left everything I call “home” and came to Summit Semester in a little town in Colorado. I was well prepared and ready to go. More than ready, actually. I was brimming with energy and excitement at what this new adventure would hold.

Upon arrival, I was put out on the sports field with gloves and a shovel and started digging up weeds. Yep. That was our ice breaker activity. That’s what we did to set the tone for the upcoming three months. As odd as it sounds, it was a great way to start. Conversations arose while we worked and friendships began to form. Emma and Bella and I were working together and they are two of the people I spend the most time with, even a month later. After pulling weeds for three hours (I promise it wasn’t as terrible as it sounds!) Nathan and Terry (the maintenance workers who live here at the lodge) had us all say what we learned from pulling weeds. Believe it or not, there was a lesson to be had, and one we are all still learning twice a week through work crews. They still last three hours, though what we do changes depending on weather and what needs done. Sometimes we are still out pulling weeds, sometimes we are sanding, sometimes babysitting, building stairs, staining decks, cleaning the kitchen and making dinner, vacuuming and mopping the floors, and sometimes we are cleaning vans. But the lesson to be learned is that all work is dignified. All work is a part of redemption. All work is to be done for God. We are all learning and we will all continue to learn every day we have work crews or dish pit or any other task assigned.

There are 32 students here and I have the privilege of getting to know a lot of them over the past month. They are all pretty amazing people and I am thankful for each and every one of them. This past week though the “honeymoon phase” ended (as Dustin puts it) and we are starting finding things that initially didn’t bother us rather annoying. Through this God has been teaching me patience and grace, as several people get on my nerves or I find myself judging them for the things they are doing. Even if it is not okay, it’s not my place to judge. It annoys me, but I do things that annoy them too.

In small groups this past week, we were talking about an article by C.S. Lewis called “The Trouble with ‘X.’” It was a really good article and Dustin knew what he was doing by assigning us to read it. We all have someone who annoys us more than others and that we tend to judge especially harshly. Our “X.” But we also have to keep in mind that we are someone else’s “X.” I annoy people sometimes and do things that they judge me for. I’m not perfect. I’m just as human as they are.

The trees here are all changing colours and it is amazing! Out my window is a clear view of mountains covered in trees and they are gorgeous shades of orange, yellow, brown, and red. I am in constant amazement and awe of this beautiful creation God has made. The stars here are the most spectacular thing I have ever seen. I love sitting out on the balcony off the dining hall after class and just looking up at the starts. Thousands upon thousands of glimmering lights up in the sky. Sometimes I don’t have words to explain my joy when looking up and seeing all of those stars.

Naturally I have been in a lot of classes, but not as much as I had initially anticipated. Only about 4-5 hours a day and usually only Thursday through Saturday. The other days are much needed for study and spending some time with our amazing community. I have loved the interaction of classes and the thought provoking questions we are bombarded with each and every class. Right now we are in the process of reading Joshua, Symphony of Scripture, Mere Humanity, Inklings of Reality, Cultivate, and Romeo and Juliet. Yes, we read all of that at once. It is brain-numbing sometimes. My head often feels like it is going to explode and never come back together, but that’s good. It stretches all capacities to infinity and beyond.

Overall, I am loving it here. Sometimes it feels like I’m living in a bubble and it is going to pop at any moment, but right now I am just enjoying every moment and experience that is coming my way. 

The End of an Era....and Start of a New Adventure!

As my teenagehood is quickly coming to an end, I have been thinking a lot about the past seven years. What has changed, what is the same, so on and so forth. In some ways my life is exactly the same. I live in the same house, with the same family, the same dog, (almost) the same neighbors, the same best friends, the same church, etc. The list could go on forever. Of course a lot has changed too.
In honour of surviving teenagehood (24 hours from writing this, it will be official) I have decided to highlight each year.

13
Okay, everyone says being a teenager is hard. I found this out pretty quickly after turning thirteen. I spent my first week at a summer camp with my best friend, which was awesome. Not long after we got home we went to co-op with a ton of our friends and our current circle of friends started. It was the best and hardest year of my life. I was an eighth grader doing high school work and trying to keep up with the older kids. I figured out I was dyslexic, though my parents already knew, it was a shock to me. All of my relationships were put through fire, and the ones that survived are now my closest and dearest friends. At the end of the crazy year, I went to Alaska and lived with my grandparents, aunt, uncle, and three cousins for a month. What an amazing experience that was! I also got to go to my first official formal that year. Oh yeah, and it wouldn't be complete teenage drama without adding in that I developed my first serious crush that year.

14
Being fourteen wasn't all that different from being thirteen. There was still the friend drama, the boy drama, and school. But to add into the mix, I also had a full-time job. I was officially a babysitter for my little Isabella (Izzy at the time). She made life chaotic as I didn't really remember having that small of a child in the house since...well...me. (To be fair, there were smaller children in our house growing up, but the age difference was within two years of me, so they didn't seem that little.) Izzy added a whole new dynamic into my life that I would never ever change. Another huge change in my life that year was it was my first year to attend Worldview Academy. I accepted my faith as my own and became way more confident than I had ever been. Life did a 360 on me that summer and I didn't even realize it.

15
Not a lot to note from this year. Nothing amazing happened. I had my regular school, Isabella (who at this point went by Bella), and piano. Something to note is that I experience my first heartbreak that summer. Other than that, life was pretty ordinary. My friends were all the same, school was the same. Life went on as normal. Also, I attended Worldview for my second year, this time by choice. :D

16
Most people would think this is a pretty big year.  16! (Also my golden birthday) My friends threw a huge surprise party for me and it was a blast! (Technically I was still 15 when that happened, but whatever.) I finished all of my homeschool requirements except one class (math. surprise, surprise.) I took CLEP tests for school and worked hard to get over testing anxiety, which almost worked. I had Bella more (hey! who knew?) and enjoyed every second of it. I attended Worldview Academy for my last year as a student and was roommates with my best friend and twin. I also had the best small group in all existence that year.

17
I started dance again, including tap, ballet, and pointe. I also started learning guitar, completed my last year of piano lessons, watched Bella, and took a much needed year off from traditional school. That summer I officially graduated high school (!!!!) as well as interned at Worldview Academy, which started an amazing relationship with one of my "little sisters." :)

18
I got my driver's permit, which I was only mildly happy about at the time, and took driver's ed online while my dad taught me behind the wheel. Sadly, it was my last year with Isabella coming to my house everyday. It made it hard, but I taught her kindergarten and started to prepare her for first grade. I had to change dance studios, as the one I was at closed, and began dancing with a new group of girls and a new set of teachers. I also got to do my first solo in ballet, which made me incredibly happy! That summer, I didn't go to Worldview as a student, but did go to last lecture, which was extremely hard, but I think needed for me to see that it was time to move on. However, I did go to Summit Summer conference in Tennessee and fell in love with it! Everything was amazing and it challenged me more than ever before. I also became a member at my church.

19
Well...what to say? I started working with two new families for babysitting, danced my last year at a traditional dance school, got my driver's license, went to Apple Butter Day for the first time (!), was accepted to Summit Semester for this fall, and learned how to grow up a little bit more.

Overall, God has blessed me with an incredible life. These past years have stretched me and grown me into more and more of who God wants me to be and has pushed everything I'm comfortable to the limits, if not entirely beyond. I know there is another new and exciting adventure ahead and I cannot wait to see what God does in my life. Even though the past seven years have been hard and full of turmoil and stress, it has also been full of joy and laughter and friendships that can never be shaken.

The Great Capre

When I get sick, I get bored. This is a common occurrence. Almost guaranteed, actually. Because of this fact, I tend to find unusual ways of amusing myself. This typically happens in the form of writing stories of some sort. This time around, I am watching the cars go down my street and naming them all, as well as coming up with stories for each car. It is time consuming and highly entertaining for those of us stuck in bed. I have decided to share one of my stories with everyone. It is not a random car though. It is my car. :D (This is not the reason my car is named what it is, but it has been fun to imagine a full story behind it.)

The Great Capre

There once was a car named Capre. Capre Reepicheep V. This little car had much to live up to, as he was a simple car in the line of many greats. His namesake, Reepicheep, was a small, but mighty warrior, and little Capre wanted to live up to that. As he was sent out into the scary world of humans, and placed into the hands of someone who may or may not take care of him, Capre was scared. A fledgling in the world of roads and maneuvering through rough terrain, there was a lot to learn. Following commands was by far the hardest task ahead of Capre. When someone said, "turn" he must make his wheels turn in the direction and at the desired speed necessary. It wasn't easy, but Capre was a fast learner and was figuring out how to be the best little car he could be. After much practice, Capre successfully accomplished his goal. To be best Capre Reepicheep ever in existence. He followed all his directions and kept all his parts working at the best possible rate. Although, he has quite the mischievous side. He likes to lock his wheels for no reason and laugh until the random urge hits him to make it work, usually  when the driver has given up all hope. He also likes to make his brights come on when he goes over bumps. All in all, Capre is an amazing little car and loves to drive on backroads with the windows down and crank up the radio. He does not like going over 50 mph on those roads though. A car that loves sightseeing. :) His favourite thing in the world is driving through firefly fields though right as the sun goes down and watching all the fireflies come up and light up the night.

So there is the results of my brain, staring at my car for too long. :)

P.S. The real reason my car is named Capre Reepicheep V is because it is a CRV (shocking, right?). Capre means a great adventure and Reepicheep is one of my favourite characters from the Chronicles of Narnia. He is a great warrior and mighty hero, as well as a little mouse with a very large amount of faith. It makes me think of a great adventure full of exciting twists and turns. :)

Colossians 1:12

"Giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light." ESV

I had this reference written on my hand for two days in order to remind myself to look into it. Not the whole verse, but rather one word. "qualified." I didn't like that word. It rubbed me wrong. After the hundreds of times (literally) I have read Colossians, this is the first time that one word seemed to jump off the page at me. Why did it bother me? I couldn't say at the time, so I let it sink it and left the verse on my hand. The pen started to fade, so I re-wrote it, knowing I had put it there for a reason, but being crazy me, had forgotten why.
After reaching the point of brain mushness, but not exhaustion, doing homework, I decided to read my Bible for a while before bed. God kept telling me go back to Colossians, so I did and the verse being in the first chapter was reminded why I needed to read Colossians again. In context the verses says:

"May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy, giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints of light." 

Okay, so what's wrong with the word "qualified"? I still didn't know, but it definitely still bothered me. So I took another course of action and decided to see what other translations said, in hopes that one of them changed it to a word I liked better. (Not that me liking the word was the point, but at least a word that explained it in a way that made more sense.) English Standard Version, New American Standard Bible, and New International Version all use the same word there. The verse is actually almost word-for-word in all three of those translations. After this research being very unsatisfying, I wrote down all my questions on a post-it note, stuck it inside my Bible and went to sleep, knowing I would come back to it when I could. 

BACKGROUND: For those of you who don't know. Languages are my thing. I love them. I soak languages in and am always striving to learn more. My latest craze of a language has been French, and it's actually coming along quite nicely. I found that the easiest way to learn for me is to read books, so for Christmas I asked for a French Bible, which my amazing grandparents got for me. It is an amazing tool to help when in a situation like I am currently explaining. 

The next morning, I got out my French Bible and it satisfied me much more, but I still couldn't tell you why the French was more satisfying than the English, when it was basically saying the same thing. 

"Rendered capable to be a part of the royal inheritance."  

Okay, admit it. It sounds cooler. But I realized that is why I liked it better. Because of how it sounds. Literally translated from the Greek (which I don't know how to read, so I have to trust others on that one) the verse does not say "qualified." It says "made to fit". Yes, it is a subtle difference, if there is one in your head at all between those two phrases. 

"Qualified" makes it sound like a game to me. "You qualify." Yippee? It also makes it sound like something I did. I didn't die on a cross. I didn't pay for my sins. Why should I get any credit for this? This answer is, I shouldn't. The word "qualify" makes it seem like somehow I should. Yes, I do see that it says the Father qualified us, but it still has a strange ring to it. Even coming straight from the Greek, "made to fit" doesn't sound quite right either. God didn't say "Well, this person is one of mine, so I'll just sort of tweek a few things to make this work." No, God took this very seriously. He sent His only Son to die a brutal and horrible death so that His people could be united with Him again. That doesn't sound like a game to me. 

I fully believe the French says it best. God rendered us capable to be in His kingdom. We were not able to be a part of His kingdom until Jesus died on the cross and rose again. It was impossible. But God made it possible. He rendered it possible. That doesn't mean that everyone is saved though. He rendered us capable. Not everyone will believe, but it is a possibility now. Especially to those outside of Israel. 

I have been leaving out the next verse until now on purpose. Colossians 1:13 clears everything up and makes that one little word not so significant. It adds to the seriousness of the situation and clarifies what the intent of verse 12 is. 

"He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins." ESV 

Praise be to God! 

P.S. (to those who will understand "But how did he make the transfer?!?!" and to the rest who have no idea what this means, it's okay. It's an inside joke. :D) 

So far in 2017...

• I went to the Art Institute for the first time since early elementary school. It was amazing! 
• My baby Eddie Bear turned 1!!!
• I went to my first trampoline park. Epic does not even begin to describe places like that....
• Had many ice cream dates with Bella B
• I went to the church volleyball game. (Out church has two teams, so I went to watch them play each other.) 
• WinterJam!!! Tenth Avenue North, Colton Dixon, Crowder. Enough said. 
• I have finished my first term of classes for the year, One more term before summer break!
• Teaching the elementary school Sunday School class
• Teaching/learning a new sign language song at church
• College group shenanigans :) 

So far this year has been an incredible adventure, and I am super excited to see what God has in store for the rest of it!

2016 in a flash

This past year went by in the flash of an eye, but here are some of the highlights from my crazy year.

• Taught Bella kindergarten 
• Helped with Katherine and Josiah's fundraiser concert for their mission trip
• Found out that thermometers can be sarcastic lol
• Welcomed baby Michael into the world
• Learned a ballet solo to one of my favorite songs
• Bella graduated Kiki school
• Attended Summit Summer conference
• Got my drivers license
• Spent my first birthday away from home
• Started nannying for two new families
• Completed my freshman year of college and started sophomore year
• Finished my last math class for forever :D 
• Made many new amazing friends
• Changed my major to Biblical Education with the goal of linguistics 
• Began year two at my new dance studio
• Spent eight months with the amazing, beautiful, fantastic Madison. 
• Was accepted into Summit Semester!!!!!!!!