Winter's arrival

Winter has come up on here in the Chicago area! Five inches of snow in one day. :D I love to see the snow on the trees and play with the dog after the first snow. She loves it!

My amazing, beautiful best friends.

I did it!

In Illinois, most kids get their driving permit between the ages of 15 and 16, and then their license the next year, after taking driver's ed. I decided to be weird (nothing new there). My parents told me and my brother we couldn't take our driving tests until we were 18, for many different reasons. My brother promptly got his permit at 18, and a few months later, his license. I, on the other hand, am now 19 1/2 and just got my license. Why did it take me so long? Because I didn't need it. Driving is a privilege I didn't feel the need to take advantage of since my family was completely willing to take me anywhere I needed to go, and was usually going somewhere with them anyway. Now that I'm working full time, 30 minutes away, it is a little difficult for someone to have to drive me, then pick me up a few hours later, when they have their own lives to attend to as well. So I finally got around to taking drivers ed online, and then yesterday, I took my driving test (and passed, might I add). What did I do with this new-found freedom? Go see Bella B, of course! Nothing like the first time driving alone forgetting about construction on a major road during rush hour. I am now pretty confident in my driving skills after surviving that adventure. :)

Beware world! I am licensed to drive and will
probably be using that ability quite a bit. 

The silly little nunkey was very happy about my first choice
of where to drive. :D

It's Worth It

Ballerinas work hard. Really hard. Hours and hours of pain, soreness, blisters, tears, and sweat go into every dance they learn. They work until everything hurts and they don't think they can move another muscle, and then keep going. It is insane. All of that for maybe five minutes on stage.

This begs the question why? Seriously, why put yourself through the pain and frustration to learn a routine if all you get is a few minutes in hot spotlights, caked in stage make-up, and many late nights with tired teachers and dancers?

Every dancer will tell you, "It's worth it." All the misery seems insignificant compared to the feeling we get on stage. Not because people see us, but because we're dancing. We're performing. That is enough.

If ballerinas are so willing to work that hard for about five minutes of euphoria, how much more should Christians be willing to work and suffer for an eternity of pure joy in the presence of our Saviour.

Christianity isn't supposed to be easy. Just like in dance, you know it's going to be hard. We are told to take up our cross. Yep, no biggie. Just pick up a Roman torture device and carry it around all day. That sounds blissful, right?

Pointe shoes are French torture devices, but are completely worth it. Shouldn't carrying our cross be completely worth it too? There is no greater reward than following Jesus with all our hearts. Working everyday to glorify Him in everything we do. It is a lot of work. It can be miserable and frustrating, with tears and the desire to quit before giving it a fighting chance because it hurts.

When this life is over, and we are looking at our Saviour face to face, the pain will seem insignificant. When a ballerina is on stage, they aren't thinking about how much it hurt to learn the dance, or how much work went into it. They are enjoying every second, every step, and every breath of the dance. We will be in such pure bliss once we are in heaven, the pain of this life will seem insignificant.

So why do it? Why work so hard? Because it's worth it.

Remember to Breathe

With everything so hectic in my world, and not having a lot of spare time to do much of anything, it is hard to remember the simple things.

Like breathing.

I was telling someone about all that I have going on in life, and they asked me, "When do you breathe?" They meant it as a sarcastic question, but in reality it sunk a lot deeper than that.

When do I breathe? Just sit and breathe. When do I take time to let my heart be still?

As I look at my schedule, I have to wonder to myself when I can have a minute of peace and quiet, a time of relaxing and not having any responsibilities to worry about. In reality, there isn't a time when school isn't looming over my head, or I don't have to be working on figuring out the schedule for the next week, or I'm not practicing dance. It all adds up very quickly.

This is the reality most people live in. A reality of having more responsibilities than possible to handle, and yet handle them throughout the week. Working several jobs to make ends meet, or to save up for the thing they really want or really need, is a necessity. People are staying busy, that is for sure.

But what about resting?

This doesn't mean sitting on the couch watching Netflix, even though it might involve a little bit of that. It just means not doing something that has to be done. It is doing something for the love of doing it, and not feeling overwhelmed by the prospect of having to accomplish anything. This might include watching movies, or reading a good book, or walking in the rain, or playing/listening to music, writing in a journal, hanging out with friends, or anything else that is not pressing to be done. It is a release. A calming, relaxing release of energy and stress that has built up throughout the week or day.

God set aside a day for rest. A whole 24 hours that is not supposed to be spent doing anything but worshiping Him and resting. It is important that we rest. God didn't make us to just go through the motions of life, but to be able to stop and see Him. "Be still and know that I am God." It is commanded to be still. To stop for a little while.

When do I breathe? In the little things. No, I don't have a lot of time to just chill out, but I love the time I have. It is at night when I'm laying in bed with no responsibilities, stretching for dance, sitting on the couch while the baby is asleep, writing in my journal, reading my Bible in the morning, and all the other quiet little moments I can steal throughout the day. It is in the moments when I don't have to do something, but chose to do it just for the pure joy of doing the task.

An Update

As summer is coming to a close, and life is starting to get a little crazy again, I thought it would be a good time for an update on my insane life.

I went from no job to too many jobs in a matter of a couple days. I am working everyday as a nanny between four different families at the moment, which keeps me plenty busy. I love all the kids tremendously, and cannot wait to see them everyday. :) My little prince is 8 months old and a joy to watch, along with his 5, 9, and 13 year old sisters. I also have an 18 month old princess, a 3 year old mischievious monkey, and a 10 year old who is way too cool for school, a 2 year old angel, and a 5 year old sweetheart, and of course my Bella B, who sadly I don't see everyday anymore.

Of course I am still dancing my heart out. I am in three classes, ballet, ballet technique, and pre-pointe. Hopefully by the end of the year I will be able to put my beloved pointe shoes back on, but only time (and a whole lot of hard work) will tell. Classes are amazing, and I am so glad to be back to dancing after such a long break.

The reason for my extended break from dance was a knee injury. Basically I wiggled something to the point of not working properly, and everytime I walked, I dislocated my knee. Yeah, it's as fun as it sounds. Thankfully, physical therapy is coming to an end, and I am back at dance full time. I also can walk on stairs and other uneven surfaces without wishing for my leg to fall off. This is quite the improvement. :D

School is going great, even though it is a little hard to find time to get anything done with working so much, but somehow I'm managing. Right now I am only taking one class. Math. Yippee. It really isn't that bad, and I am learning a lot about logic and other practical skills, rather than just algebraic equations. Evne though I don't think I would mind that all that much this year. The structure of school has been really nice and I am quite glad to have it back after the almost four month break for summer. In the spring my life will get a little bit more hectic because I wll be taking four classes for school rather than just the one. I am looking forward to most of the classes though and ready to learn. It is an adventure I am quite ready to embark upon.

And so my life continues, busy, crazy, and little overwhelming, but God is still sovereign and working through the craziness everyday for His glory.

Summit Summer 2016

In the midst of my crazy summer, the biggest highlight by far was attending Summit in Tennessee. At first, I wasn't so sure that I wanted to go, but I am so very thankful that I went to the conference.

Of course the question everyone is asking is, "What was your favorite part?" Well, there wasn't one thing that I can call out as my favorite, but the community there is spectacular. Opening up about ideas and having conversations with people you barely know about highly controversial topics from a Christian worldview was amazing. I don't typically process things by talking about them, and I was pushed out of my comfort zone during small group times, free time, meals, and just sitting in my dorm room to explain what I believe and why I believe it and be able to support my beliefs. One reason it was so great was because it was never arguments, but cordial conversations between fellow believers who may or may not disagree, but are just discussing the ideas being presented to us throughout the 60 hours (yes, 60 hours) of lectures.

On topic, lectures were extremely thought provoking and intriguing. There were some ideas I had already heard, some that I wasn't as familiar with, but still had heard before, and some entirely new concepts. We had a bunch of incredible speakers who engaged our brains for hours everyday and then open forums at night. There was so much information coming at me all at once that after a while, I just had to start writing down everything I could and read over my notes during free times, because it was all going over my head during lecture. For the first time, I came home from one of these types of conferences with questions and ideas I have to research and read about because I don't understand it all. I will never understand it all, but I can do my best to learn what I can about these topics in order to know what I believe, the implications of what I believe, and be able to encourage and empower others with the same ideas.

Even though there were tons of fun activities such as volleyball, white water rafting, ultimate frisbee, adventure ball, skits, performance night, and others, those were not the highlight of my week. The best part of Summit, for me personally, were the seven amazing, beautiful, godly girls I got to spend two weeks enjoying. Our "fearless leader" kept the crazy kingdom under control, making us feel loved and wanted, and helping us process all the huge ideas being thrown our way. The other minions in our kingdom were all there to support each other, smile, laugh, tease, create declarations of loyalty to our fearless leader, go for walks, or just sit and talk for a while. I could not be more thankful for the group I was placed into and miss all of them dearly.

Now home, with lots of books, new ideas, and new friends, I am ready to embark on a new school year with challenges in and of themselves.

"The LORD your God is in your midst,

a mighty one who will save;

he will rejoice over you with gladness,

he will quiet you by his love,

he will exult over you with loud singing."

~Zephaniah 3:17

Freshman year. Check.

I am officially done with my freshman year of college! YAY! Happy dance!

Even in the midst of the stress of two math classes, english, western civ, bible, and theology, and changing my major, I have survived successfully. This is not of my own doing, though. If I would have tried to finish all of that with a good attitude on my own, I would have failed miserably before the end of the first semester. Friends, family, prayers, but especially my Heavenly Father brought me through this past school year. I was able to complete all of my assignments on time, even if it was cutting it a little close, and get good grades throughout the year.

Besides school, I was working full-time with Bella B and teaching her kindergarten, ballet, piano (up until Christmas), learning to drive, and teaching Sunday school at church

Now for summer...
Though I do not know what is coming, I can trust fully in the same God who brought me through these past months to continue sustaining me and leading me down the path He desires. I know it will not be easy, but it will be worth it.

O Lord our Lord,
how majestic is your name
in all the earth!
Psalm 8:1

A Change

I have never been good with change of any kind, but big changes mess with my life more than I can say. Sometimes I will do simple things the hard way to avoid changing anything.
Yesterday I found out that I have to let go of something very dear to me. It hurts, but God is already using it for good. Romans 8:28 says, "And we know in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him." At first, it seemed impossible how God could use this situation for good. I wanted to lock myself in my room and ignore life entirely. "I'm not ready to let go." went through my head over and over as I tried to find some way around this change. Sadly, there is none. It has been out of my control for months now, and ultimately, never was in my control.
But through my pain yesterday, God showed me that He is the One in control, and I should let go. He has much bigger plans for me than what I wanted. Yes, I'm still very sad I have to let go, but I have a hope that God is working out something more than I can ever imagine.
Years from now, this is going to look really silly and insignificant. Ultimately, through whatever change or trial I have to face, God is in control. Even when I fail, He still loves me. Jesus still died and rose again for me. I am still redeemed. Nothing can change any of that. It is constant and sure.
To God be the glory!

"My heart is filled with thankfulness

To Him who walks beside

Who floods my weaknesses with strength

And causes fears to fly

Whose every promise is enough

For every step I take

Sustaining me with arms of love

And crowning me with grace"

"My Heart is Filled with Thankfulness"

by Keith Getty and Stuart Townend

Happy Easter!

Amongst the chaos of church, family, bunnies, and egg hunts, the true meaning of Easter can be lost and distorted easily. What do bunnies have to do with a cross? America has made it into a silly holiday for children, when, in all reality, it is a gruesome tale of death. Ultimately, what is celebrated on Easter though is a resurrection. That is something full of joy and worthy of celebration!

Every year at church on Easter (as well as throughout the rest of the year, we sing a song called "Christ is Risen, He is Risen Indeed" by Keith and Kristen Getty. It is one of my all-time favorite songs.

How can it be, the One who died,
Has born our sin through sacrifice
To conquer every sting of death?
Sing, sing hallelujah.

Christ is risen, He is risen indeed!
Oh, sing hallelujah.
Join the chorus, sing with the redeemed;
Christ is risen, He is risen indeed.

Where doubt and darkness once had been,
They saw Him and their hearts believed.
But blessed are those who have not seen,
Yet, sing hallelujah.
Once bound by fear now bold in faith,
They preached the truth and power of grace.
And pouring out their lives they gained
Life, life everlasting.

Christ is risen, He is risen indeed!
Oh, sing hallelujah.
Join the chorus, sing with the redeemed;
Christ is risen, He is risen indeed.

The power that raised Him from the grave
Now works in us to powerfully save.
He frees our hearts to live His grace;
Go tell of His goodness.

He's alive! He's alive!

Heaven's gates are opened wide.

He's alive! He's alive!

Now in heaven glorified.

This is the true meaning of Easter.

Jesus is alive!

Happy Resurrection Sunday!

Faith like a Child

Last night, I was at a friends house for Passover/college group. After we ate and danced and generally enjoyed our socialization, we sang together. One of the songs we sang was "Jesus, Thank You" by Sovereign Grace. Here is the link to the lyrics. As I was sitting in my friend's living room, surrounded by my best friends, I noticed the youngest child singing along. "Your blood has washed away my sin. Jesus, thank you. The Father's wrath completely satisfied. Jesus, thank you. Once your enemy, now seated at your table. Jesus, thank you." he sang with all of his heart. As I listened to his little voice singing, my heart melted. I wondered how much he truly understood, or if all of this was being taken solely by faith.

God calls us to have faith like a child. In Matthew 18:1-4 it says, "At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” ² And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them ³ and said, “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. ⁴ Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven."

What a calling! As followers of Christ, we are called to be like small children, who the world typically looks at as silly.

Another aspect is believing what your parents tell you, even when you don't understand. Most rules don't make sense to small children, or big children, but all have to obey anyways. This is faith that your parents are right, because you trust them. This is the trust God calls us to. He is our Heavenly Father and we should always trust Him and have faith in whatever He says is true, even if we don't fully understand.

Just like the little one, sitting in the middle of the floor rolling around in a blanket, we are to worship God with joy in our hearts, and faith. Faith like a child.